On Death
On Death
Last week I sat in the back row of a funeral for a man who I was one of his youth pastors 15 years ago. He had two daughters. As I looked at those young girls I wept. I also have two daughters. Yesterday at 3 a.m. a friend passed away suddenly and tragically. We went to high school together, played on the same soccer team, we were young pastors at the same church. He had also been one the man’s youth pastors. This was one of the good ones, someone you would aspire to be, and in a freak accident, he is gone forever. He leaves behind a wife and a nine-month old daughter. All day I have wept. I have no words. One of the truly beautiful human beings.
How do we navigate death? What do we say? How do we comfort ourselves or others in the midst of horrific tragedy?
We fill the air with platitudes: He’s smiling in heaven. He’s dancing with Jesus. This is a celebration of life. A celebration of life.
Bullshit.
There is no celebration for his wife. No celebration for a daughter who will never know her dad on earth. No celebration for a mother who has already buried his father in the ground, just to return the shovel to the cold hard dirt again. There is nothing to celebrate about that.
Death is death. There is no resurrection without silent Saturday. A funeral screams at us things are broken, fractured, a shattered image of what is meant to be. Changing the name to celebration of life doesn’t remove death’s sting for those who are still here, only for the one who is gone.
Is he with Jesus? Yes. But are we caught up in the heavenly realm? No.
We are in sorrow. We are mourning the husband, who won’t wake up early for Christmas morning to see the wonder of the kids, who won’t dream about the future, who won’t grow old with his wife on the front porch.
Tonight I am taking my girls to a Daddy Daughter dance. They will be told how beautiful they look in their new dresses as we dance to a Bruno Mars song and eat stale cupcakes. His daughter will not know that. She will walk down the aisle in 25 years and another man will give her away. That should not be so.
No, he was too good, too true, too kind to be snatched away at 36. Death is a bitch, a cruel and untimely mistress.
Grief does not hand you a timer. Grief is not a determiner of your faith. You grieve because you hurt. You hurt because you loved. Suffering is the cost of admission for being human. A ticket we are unaware is in our pocket until tragedy strikes. We can’t give it back, there is no refund. The world is a broken theater, and we act out the play.
Stories have rolled in. Some I knew, many I did not. Stories of I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. Things only known between the person and him, stories he would never tell you, because he didn’t believe it was his story to tell.
He didn’t do it for the applause, he did it because he was like Jesus.
Life is fragile, we all walk on thin ice, never knowing when the crack will give way to the chilling current.
Bitterness is not worth holding onto. Your career is not that important, your spouse is. Those likes on your phone don’t compare to the love of your children. Life is but a vapor, keep your eyes open and your heart pure.
His name was Ben.
I’m banging on the gate, I’m rattling the sky
give me one good reason why the beautiful die
The sun goes down in a violent red
haste to the living
peace to the dead
Your name is a prayer I’ll never finish
Your light is a fire that won’t diminish
hallelujah
It’s over
hallelujah
Thank you for sharing this reflection because Scripture gives us a deep honest and hope filled understanding of death that the world cannot offer.The Bible never denies the pain of death yet it refuses to leave us without hope.From the beginning death is shown as the consequence of sin yet God immediately reveals His redemptive purpose through His promise of life.Jesus entered our mortality and faced death Himself so that death would no longer have the final word.He said in John 11:25:26 I am the resurrection and the life whoever believes in Me though he die yet shall he live and everyone who lives and believes in Me shall never die.Because of Christ death for the believer is not an end but a homegoing.Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 5:8 that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord and this truth brings comfort even in grief.Scripture also teaches us to live wisely in light of death as Psalm 90:12 says Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.Death awakens us to eternity and calls us to place our trust fully in Christ who conquered the grave.The resurrection assures us that death is defeated and temporary as 1 Corinthians 15:54:57 declares Death is swallowed up in victory thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.Even now God walks with us through sorrow as Psalm 34:18 says He is near to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.Our hope is anchored not in denial of death but in the living Christ who promises eternal life and a future resurrection where every tear will be wiped away according to Revelation 21:4.This truth invites us to live faithfully love deeply and hold loosely to this world while fixing our eyes on the life that is truly life
Thank you. The love of my life, my best friend & soulmate left 15 mos ago. It will never be better until I’m released to go to heaven. I do know the journey God took us on when he blrsssed us both with the other. We both healed hearts we didn’t break. Every day was a gift. The worst part of death is all the stupid things people say. But they mean well. Ugh!
I am so sorry for your loss of Ben. No advice as it’s your path to walk. You will have a moment it feels “normal” and it will startle you. Then you will go back to the heaviness, tears with no warning.
I’m gonna share a story with you that happened to me recently. I was continually living with this hole in me this emptiness and I know that Jesus lives in me and the Holy Spirit lives in me so I was struggling and literally during my devotions I’m asking God, how can I be full of Jesus and be empty?” aI just couldn’t come up with an answer. One night God and John visited me and we had a group hug and we just were hugging, and I woke up, bawling my eyes out, and God said to me, “John ran the race I gave him to run. He loved you, he did the ministry I called him to do. He had a lot wrong physically and he’s with me and he’s safe and he’s healed and we’re with you and you’re not empty”. The hole I had is no longer there, but it doesn’t mean I’m not sad and that I don’t miss John every second of every day.
God Bless.